5 days past transfer and I've already caved and tested. Talk some sense into me

Second cycle. I PROMISED myself, my partner, and possibly the embryologist that this time I would not test early. Transfer was Wednesday. It is now Monday night and I have taken two tests, one this morning (stark white) and one an hour ago because obviously everything had changed in twelve hours. There is either the faintest shadow of a line or I have stared at it so long I've invented one. My partner says he can't see anything. I made him look under three different lights.

I still have four tests in the drawer and nine days until my official test. The maths on that is not good.

Someone please either talk some sense into me or at least sit with me in the madness. How do you all survive this bit without turning into a person who photographs test strips?

Oh love. Four two-week waits here, and I photographed the strips every time, so no judgement from this corner, only company.

The sense, since you asked for it: at 5 days past transfer a home test genuinely cannot tell you anything you can use. I know you know. Knowing doesn't help at 10pm, which is why my rule by cycle three became about the tests themselves, not my willpower: they lived at my sister's house, and getting one meant a phone call and a bus ride. Friction works where promises don't.

The other thing that honestly helped was giving every day of the wait one small thing that belonged to it. Nothing inspirational, Tuesday was a swim, Wednesday was a stupid film. It doesn't make the days quick, it makes them survivable, and it gives your brain one thing per day that isn't line-hunting. Nine days is nine small things. You can do nine things.

No advice, just solidarity from someone whose wait ends Thursday. My hives have never been so thoroughly inspected, the bees are getting suspicious. Sitting with you in the madness.

Louise, be kind to yourself, what you're describing is one of the most universal experiences in fertility treatment, and it says nothing about your self-control. The two-week wait is simply very hard.

On the tests, some general context rather than advice. Very early results can mislead in both directions: an embryo that is implanting may not yet produce enough hormone for a home test to detect, and in medicated cycles traces of the medication used around transfer can linger and produce a faint line that means nothing. That is the reason clinics set an official test date; it isn't bureaucracy, it's the earliest point the answer can be trusted. The site's guide to the two-week wait walks through what's happening day by day, and why the days feel the way they do.

What your own faint shadow means, though, is a question only your clinic can answer, and they truly won't mind hearing from you before test day if the wait is becoming too heavy to carry. That's part of what they're there for. Holding your hand from here until your test, along with everyone else in this thread.

Practical vote for gemma's friction method: my remaining tests spent our second wait at my neighbour's. She had instructions to ask "is it test day?" and hand them over only if I could say yes without laughing. I got two back early, but it slowed the 10pm ones, and the 10pm ones are the dangerous ones.

Coming back because you all sat with me and you deserve to know. Official test was yesterday, and it was negative this time.

I'm sad and I'm okay, mostly in turns. Follow-up with the clinic is booked for next week and my partner has taken the drawer tests to his brother's, stable door, horse, etc. Thank you for the nine small things, gemma, I did seven of them and they helped. And jo, I hope Thursday was kind to you. Back when I'm ready.